Shenanigans of the Faithful

Just a pre-warning to my more sensitive viewers… There is content here that involves swearing.

And perhaps some inappropriate jokes and pictures.


I don’t do politics. I don’t do religion. I hate both with a passion… so much so that I avoid overtly faithful blogs – even though they might have KILLER recipes for stuff like ginger cookies and lemon meringue pies. (Damn you, Pinterest!)

But I am so disturbed by what’s happening in the world at the moment with those of the Islamic faith that remaining silent on the issue is killing me. It’s particularly worrisome when you’ve got a mate who works for the American Embassy as a consulate official. No, not in those areas of the Middle East where people have recently been murdered but all the same, she’s at an American consulate and therefore a target of much hatred depending on who’s looking. And she’ll be staying with me for two weeks come Sunday morning. Yay!

(Though the bitch’s plane gets in at SPARROWS BUTTCRACK OF DAWN O’CLOCK! Not happy, Allison.)

Anyhoo… a riot happened in Sydney’s CBD on Saturday… a mob of Angry Muslims(TM) took to the street, declaring a jihad on anyone who didn’t support the Islamic faith and death to the person who created some ridiculous video on Youtube.

Look, I have never really had a problem with anyone wanting to live in this country. You can be from whatever race and creed and I’ll happily support you.

I’ve only ever had a few requirements for newbie citizens…

Read more

Kitty Shenanigans


“Psst.  Come here!  Look.”


“What?  What, what, what?  Is it something I can eat?”


“Shuddup knucklehead.  Look.  She’s typing.”


“It’s late.  Why’s she typing?  I’m hungry.”


“You’re always hungry.  She’s got bare legs.”


“She’s almost as fuzzy as we are!  I’m still hungry.  Is there anything on her desk I can eat?”


“Do you always have to think with your stomach?”


“Can’t help it.  I’m hungry.”


“Hush, you’re making too much noise. And stop whining about food.  Watch this!”

“AAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!  Dugite! You little shit! That hurt!”


“Heehee!  Nice work!”


“I know.  It’s all in the wrist.”


“Impeccable execution. Think it’ll scar?”


“How barbaric.  My scratches never scar.”

Sunday Stealing, September 16, 2012

Good morning. I’m still in bed, the manbeast is asleep beside me. The cats have been fed and they’re relatively quiet.  I’m sure to get a call from my mother asking if I want to take a drive to Costco today – she’s on the hunt for Crisco which is kinda hard to find in Australia – so I thought I would do a Sunday Stealing to start my day.

Apparently there were 88 questions to this particular SS. Hmmm. Must’ve missed that bit.

69. Song you’re thinking of right now?
Jar of Hearts.  This version:

70. Want someone back in your life?
Yeah, I do. But I think we’ve sort of outgrown one another. It’s been kind of hard to let go of him. We were friends for a long time and it was one of those relationships where you could pick up right where you left off, no matter if it had been a week or six months. But six months eventually turned into a few years and being on different continents makes even touching base hard. I miss him, dearly. I think we both left indelible marks on each other. I can’t listen to The Cure without thinking about him.

It hurts to listen to The Cure.

71. Will tomorrow be better than today?
Tomorrow I will apply for five jobs and contact three agencies. It will be better than today.

72. What’s the color of the underwear you are wearing?
Black. It’s usually always black. Except when it’s red.

73. Who was the first best friend that you ever had?
My first ever best friend that I remember was Tanya. She was six months older than I and as such, she ended up being a year ahead of me in primary school due to the way the age system worked – she turned five in the first half of the year whereas I turned five in the latter which meant I had to start the year after her. Grr. Primary school was a real pain, particularly when they separated the senior classes (grades three and up) from the junior classes (grades 2 and down) into two different yards at lunchtime and recess. She and I both dreaded the year that she got into grade three. We would try to play in the little area between the yards but unfortunately that was right in line with the staff room so any teacher coming out of there would catch us and send us on our separate ways. I have no idea why they wouldn’t allow us to play together. Anyway, it was better when I finally got to grade three… but grade two was the longest year of my life.

74. How do you react when someone disappoints you?
I internalise a lot. I’ll rationalise, give them the benefit of the doubt, try to shrug it off. It does depend on the situation. Sometimes I can’t go the “oh well” route. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I cry.

75. Is there anyone who understands your sexuality?
Hell, I don’t think *I* understand my sexuality sometimes. I’m bi. That’s enough, I suppose.

76. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
Unfortunately a lot of my happiness is forced. Fake it until you make it, right? I don’t like it but it’s better than constantly upsetting people by showing how unhappy you are sometimes.

77. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
Ray Stevenson? Hugh Jackman? Heston Blumenthal? Keanu Reeves?

78. What do you wear when you sleep?
Usually a t-shirt and trackies in the winter. In summer… nothin’ but a sheet. Daring.

79. Are you obsessed with something right now?

80. The first person you loved is?
Depends on the love we’re talking about. In all cases, I am not sure.

81. Something terrible happened with you?
Not worth mentioning here.

82. You are locked up with your celebrity crush for days, what happens?
He realises I am undeniably sexy and cannot keep his hands off me. We go all National Geographic.

83. If you could wish something, what would it be?
I wish I could win enough money just to pay off the mortgage. I am not greedy.

84. Ever try to force someone to do something?
LOL I have a younger sister. Of course I did.

85. When you are alone, what do you think about?
What I am doing with my life and how it’s not turned out at all like I thought it would.

86. How was your first sex?
Odd question. And my “first sex” was painful – but not in the way you’re thinking. -.-

87. What’s your favorite music genre?
I don’t have one. I have very, very eclectic tastes. I find songs that I enjoy and tend to listen to those over and over again. I can listen to the same handful of songs for years before I will find some others. Right now I’m lovinng Owl City’s Fireflies… and that was released in 2009.

88. Are you happy I only wrote 88 questions?
I’m happy I didn’t have to answer all 88 of them.

Mighty Me

Posted on my Weight Watchers blog on July 31st, 2012…





No I shan’t mention that in the race I had today I totally got my butt whipped. I’m still a champion.

Here’s the story…

Because you totally knew there would be a story because, hey, this is me you’re reading.

I got to the gym today after having regrouped from the little incident that happened during yesterday’s session with the B!tch Twins (yes, they now have a name) and decided to shake up my routine a bit and do something a touch harder than just the treadmill.

I looked at the crosstrainer.

It looked back at me.

I glared at the crosstrainer.

It glared back at me.

I narrowed my eyes at the crosstrainer.

The crosstrainer was all “C’mon, you ain’t got the cojones to start on me today. Go for a stroll on Mr Treadmill over there, princess…”

And I was all, “OH NO YOU DI’INT!

(Like my impression of a black drag queen?  Am I stereotyping? Oops.)

I punched 30 minutes into that sucker, on a moderately difficult setting (because going hard into the unknown is a bad thing, y’all) and hopped on.

20 minutes later I was dying, legs burning, hands clinging desperately to the grips, reps dropping below 60rpm…

Dammit, the crosstrainer was winning.

I was cowed. Beaten by a mostly inanimate object with an attitude.

Epic fail.

But not quite.  Salvation was at hand.

“Don’t stop,” I hear beside me.

Looking to my left, I discovered The Grunter doing his thing on the crosstrainer next to mine. And he was whipping that thing’s ass!

Huhn?”  Me, eloquent always.

Don’t stop!

Now, dear reader, I love hearing those words from a man, but in a completely different scenario… possibly one that involves leather handcuffs and vanilla custard…

I was despairing. “But…”

“C’mon,” he says, leaning to look at my screen,  “You got 10 more minutes. So do I. Let’s see how far you can get.”

Me, out loud: “Um, ‘kay….”


But I did it.  I got my reps back up to above 70rpm and stayed there, even when the program started to increase the incline again.  For 10 solid minutes The Grunter and I were heads down, throwing our all in on those machines.  I was going at a snail’s pace compared to him and got most of a kilometer in distance whereas I think he might have smashed out another six, but hey… I’ve never had so much fun losing a race before.

Why am I happy about it?

Because 18 months ago, I couldn’t manage five minutes on 0 incline and level 2 resistance.

Today I managed, for the first time ever, to go a full 30 minutes on an incline that was anywhere between 10 and 40 on level 4.

Without stopping once.

Yep.  I’m a champion today.


Am I Ok? R U OK?

RUOK DayThis finding a new job stuff is tough. The hours you put into writing resumes and cover letters may as well be a full-time job all on it’s own.

I’ve been unemployed for a touch over two months now and I will confess it worries me. The money I got from my redundancy will not last forever and there’s been a few rather costly situations come up which has resulted in the money lasting even less time than expected. I had plans for much of it. I had hoped to be employed again by now so I could take advantage of those plans but unfortunately it’s not happening for me. I simply cannot find anything I would like to do or when I do find something I invariably end up being not the right candidate for the job – for whatever lame reason the prospective employer can think up.

I want to change careers but it’s difficult to do so when you’re boxed in by previous experience. My first job was an accident that evolved into something that I just settled into for seven years – that being dealing with lawyers and their passive aggressive PAs on the phone, assisting them with obtaining the necessary documents for property conveyancing …or realty, as it might be called in the states, if I have that right… please correct me if not.

When I was made redundant from that job, I had the good fortune of having a contact who put me in touch with a recruitment lady who had dealt with a lot of folk from the office and she placed with me with my next job, as an administration officer working for a superannuation company. I got that because they were willing to let a newbie have a go. Of course that role grew and evolved with the years and I managed a pretty sweet deal for myself in terms of pay – but not experience. I could say that I was a senior administrator in the end but really, I was just the lackey of the team leaders. I wasn’t allowed to be a senior because they wouldn’t let go enough to let me do what the job entailed. I missed out on a lot of promised training that never eventuated as well and only barely managed to get the standard qualification that’s necessary to work in finance these days in time before my end date came along.

In the time that I was with that company, I had also done a graphic design course which was, frankly, abysmal and I still feel like I don’t have the skills to do anything with it.

This is where I am lost at the moment. I know just enough of a lot to be knowledgeable but not actually useful in any particular profession.

I don’t know where to go from here. I really don’t. I’d love to get out of the bloody awful, dry office environment. If I could do admin stuff from home I most happily would because then I’d have the company of my cats and dog and not a bunch of people I have to resign myself to putting up with. I’d love to do something new. Childcare was and still is an interest of mine. But then so is being a make-up artist.

I was told by a nice lady that I was only 33, “still a baby trying to figure out what you’re going to be when you grow up” and yes, while I do indeed feel that way… I know that I am a 33 year-old who still needs to get a job.

Am I ok?

Yes. For the moment. It gets me down but it’s not soul destroying. My husband and family are there for me. There is nothing that can happen to us that we can’t build ourselves back up from.

But some people have it tougher than I…

So now maybe it might be time to ask someone you know going through some trouble…


Conversations in a Hospital

Admin Nurse:  “What’s your full name?”

Me: Ren Guest

Admin Nurse:  “What are you having done today?”

Me: “I’m having my wisdom teeth out.”

Admin Nurse: “How many?”

Me: “Three. I’m special.”

Admin Nurse:


Theatre Nurse:  “What’s your full name?”

Me: Ren Guest

Theatre Nurse:  “What are you having done today?”

Me: “I’m having three wisdom teeth out.”

Theatre Nurse:  “Great!”

Me:  “What do I get for winning?!”

Theatre Nurse: *deadpan*


Surgeon:  “What’s your full name?”

Me: Ren Guest

Surgeon:  “What are you having done today?”

Me: “I’m having three wisdom teeth out.”

Surgeon: “Great, see you on the other side.”

Me: “Do I keep going towards the light when I see it?”

Surgeon: *deadpan*


Anesthetist:  “What’s your full name?”

Me: Ren Guest

Anesthetist:  “What are you having done today?”

Me: “I’m having a vasectomy and two toes removed!”

Anesthetist: *deadpan*

Me: “OFFS.  I’m having three wisdom teeth removed. Two on the bottom one on the top.”

Anesthetist: “Thank you.”

Me: *sigh*


Me, upon waking up: “Don’t put the clothes peg on the shark fin…”

Recovery Nurse:  o.O

bellabox – August box review

Seems I’m doing lots of reviews lately, and I know that I am. I just like talking about stuff that I like and occasionally I get asked to check something out.

Don’t worry, I’ve got some good ol’ fashioned bloggy posts coming up soon, plus some more images of Melbourne which I’ve been dying to share.

But today I’m finally putting up a review of the August bellabox.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, bellabox is an Aussie version of the UK “Glossy Box” and the American “Birchbox” and “Glam Box”… and I am sure there are oooooodles of others. bellabox seemed to be a good price for some pretty nifty samples. At $15 a month (that includes postage, fyi), you get at least five samples of some pretty exclusive products. From my observation of the first box I’ve received and comments from others, it’s pretty worthwhile as they throw in the occasional full-size samples, the value of which can totally make up for the cost of the box.

Anyhoo… This is what the box looks like:

bellabox, August -
Innit cute??!

I must admit, the packaging is rock-solid. No flimsy wrapping at all. The Bella Box comes in another postage box so it’s a solid little parcel that arrives.

Here’s how everything’s wrapped:

bellabox, August -
Petite “bb” sticker… awww….

Before you even open the tissue paper, you get to read the card which gives you the theme of the box as well as a breakdown of what’s inside. Kinda cool.

And this is everything inside the box!

bellabox, August -
The gory innards!

Ok, onto the good stuff…

Click the linkydink to read more – there’s lots of pictures and writing!

Read more

Blog Star – The Ren

Mrs. Monologues
Ren, aka Erin, is a photography enthusiast studying to become a who is a qualified graphic designer – not that she’ll ever use that qualification for anything important. She’s also qualified to work in the world of finance, too, but that’s boring.

When she’s not working her regular job or drawing pretty pictures for school fun, she’s often found crouched over her kitchen table making jewelry, taking photographs of pretty girls, chatting online or writing The Great Australian Novel.

Or, y’know, blogging.

She swears.  A lot. She’s trying her best to curb this habit but it occasionally slips out into her writing, especially when she’s frustrated.

She has two small cats called Bindi (“bin-dee”) and Dugite (“dew-gyte”), who are otherwise known as Spewkitty and Miss McChuckup.

You can figure out why.

She also has an Australian Bulldog called Bronagh (“bro-nah”) who eats everything. Logs, electrical cable, every doggy bed she’s ever been bought…

Oh yeah, and she’s married to the manbeast, otherwise known as The Hubby, otherwise known as Himself. But mostly just the manbeast.

There is no photo of the manbeast.

She also LOVES taking photos of pretty ladies and is an aspiring boudoir/glamour photographer.

Boudoir - Janet


Captivating Kaz
She also thinks it’s kinda weird that she’s talking about herself in third person.


The Ren. Photograph by!

Review: Golden Circle Healthy Life – Probiotic Juicy Goodness!

A short while ago I was chosen to review Golden Circle’s new Healthy Life range of probiotic juices.  Nuffnang (see the linkidink in “Featuring” over there on the right) were kind enough to send me not only means to obtain the juice but I also got an awesome cooler bag which will be perfect for when I return to work.  Yay for cool, healthy lunches!


Golden Circle Healthy Life™ Fruit Juice with Probiotic Cultures
Golden Circle Healthy Life™ Fruit Juice with Probiotic Cultures

{Product Talk by Nuffnang!}

Let’s just say that any fruit juice in Casa del Ren is pretty much adored by both myself and the manbeast so I was as pleased as… a very happy thing… as was the manbeast, to have the opportunity to take some new juices for a test run.  It took me a little while to find them as it seems that they are already pretty popular (and rightly so) as I had to go to two different supermarkets to find them! (Thanks Woollies in Wyndham Vale!)

Here’s the blurb from Golden Circle:

“Introducing Golden Circle Healthy Life™ Fruit Juice with Probiotic Cultures – your dairy-free daily serve of probiotic goodness. The first of their kind in Australia, our delicious chilled juices with probiotic cultures have no added sugar and no artificial colours or flavours. The goodness of fruit juice and the unique combination of probiotics, clinically shown to support your body’s natural immune defences.”

There’s two juices in the range; the Breakfast Juice which is made from orange, apple, pineapple, passion fruit and banana… (Good lord, can we say “NOM!” yet??!) and my personal favourite, Apple Mango which is… apple and mango – I kid you not. Yum! The manbeast has also tried the juices and really liked them. I can already tell that there’s going to be none of the Breakfast Juice left by tomorrow morning.

The great thing about these is that unlike many bottled juices, it doesn’t have that slightly bitter reconstituted after-taste. You know the one – particularly if you’re a fan of bottled orange juice. It just doesn’t taste right and it feels like you’ve been chewing on old orange peel. Fortunately with these juices there’s none of that, so that was a plus for me. Secondly, they are quite sweet so my inner sugar fiend is satisfied but I’m not bouncing off the walls. You don’t get that cloying sticky mouth or feel like you need to have a glass of water afterwards to kill the sweetness. That’s because there’s no added sugar. It’s all juice!

For those amongst us who are unable to eat dairy, this may be a great alternative way to get those probiotic goodnesses in ya tum without making yourself sick.

For those of us doing Weight Watchers, a 200ml serve of Apple Mango is a mere 3 ProPoints and the Breakfast Juice is just 2 ProPoints for the same serve size! EEEE!!!!  Not bad odds at all!  As someone who has undergone a major lifestyle change, maintaining and getting the balance right between the things that are good for me and the things that I actually like is very important. Juice is usually fairly high when it comes to our ProPoints budgets so having something we could easily work into our day for minimal points is a good thing! Maybe the coffee drinkers amongst us can swap a caffeine hit for a juice hit instead? (It’s better for you anyway… *wheedle*)

Anyway, Golden Circle Healthy Life™ Fruit Juice with Probiotic Cultures is available in Coles, Safeway/Woolworths and IGA stores across Victoria, New South Wales and Queensland and is available in both 1 Litre and 300ml bottles. You can find out more about these juices on the Golden Circle Healthy Life website.

(Postscript – as great as these juices are, sadly they have not cured my raging tooth decay and I still need to go have my wisdom teeth surgically removed on Monday afternoon next week. BOO-HISS!)

Sunday Stealing, August 26, 2012

And welcome to another edition of Sunday Stealing…

1. What type questions do you hate on a meme?
I dislike repetitive questions. Also questions that deal with touchy subjects in an insensitive way.

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?

Um… I’m sorta-kinda already married to him. Though technically I haven’t changed my name as yet (and we’ve been married over three years, oops)… but if I did, it would be King.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
I was sore when I woke up today, actually. My busted wisdom tooth has finally decided to play a card in the painful stakes. Need to see someone, stat.

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?

I was on the phone with my sister last night.

5. Who are you excited for?
That’s a random question… I’m excited for my mum who is holidaying in Bali right now.

7. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
My husband.

8. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

Anzac cookies made by the manbeast specifically for me. Awwwwwwwww.

9. Have a best friend?
I have a bunch of close friends, all of whom I would consider my best friends.

10. Were you ever or are you scared to fall in love?
Always. It takes a heck of a lot of bravery to open yourself up to possible hurt that loving someone can bring.  Fortunately it worked out for me.

11. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Of course they can!

12. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Hah… um, stupid people who shall not be mentioned in this blog.

13. What time is it right this second?

14. What do you want right now?
Breakfast. Eggs on toast would be lovely.

15. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
The last picture I took was of me, myself and I.

16. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Married! And always confused. ;)

17. When was the last time you cried?
A couple days ago, I was really, really, REALLY stressed out over a job interview.

18. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I have a close bond with my mum.  I love my dad but our relationship has been strained for a decade. It’s not likely to change.

19. Do you find it hard to trust others?
I try to trust people as much as possible… though sometimes it just isn’t possible at all.  You can only be hurt or disappointed by the same people over and over again and obviously that carries over into relationships with others.

20. How fast does your mind change?

21. I bet you miss somebody right now. Who is it?
Not tellin’!

22. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
I have a really sore mouth, so no…. not really okay.  I’m also jobless and starting to feel the stress of worrying about my future prospects.  I’m dealing, though.