My name is Ren and I don’t like pregnant women.
Actually, I don’t not like pregnant women. I know heaps of formerly (and currently) pregnant women whom I love very much.
I don’t like images of pregnant women.
I don’t. So there. So kill me, you earth-mother-fertility-goddess types.
This has been bugging me for weeks now.
Back-story: I want kids but I don’t want to be pregnant. I find the idea of pregnancy abhorrent. Repugnant. And yes, selfishly, I don’t want to ruin my body any more than I already have. I like my boobs being mere funbags and my girly pink bits not being rearranged in the process of pushing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon.
I also like not accidentally peeing when I sneeze, laugh or do yoga. What? I WATCH THOSE ADS ON TELEVISION. They wouldn’t be advertising for Poise if this wasn’t an Actual Thing.
And no, I do not believe you have to birth a child to bond with it but that’s a whole other rant for another time.
Yes, yes, yes, I know. Exceedingly selfish and twisted. I don’t deserve to be happy, blah, blah, blah. I get it.
My current beef about maternity is the images and photographs people are getting done.
A disturbing new trend has been happening in the world of boudoir and intimate portrait photography. It’s name is Maternity Boudoir and I cannot think of anything that’s more revolting.
I like the pictures of the silly or happy-snap kind where you can proudly show off badly designed maternity clothes and revel in the disbelief and shock of folks who were previously unaware of the capabilities of the human body to expand as much as it does (“OMG, you were FUCKING HUGE!”)… You know, the REAL pictures that show just how fucking exhausted and uncomfortable you were.
Case in point:
The sister, two weeks before she popped. These are entertaining, happy pictures.
I have been told that some women get randy when they’re pregnant and I understand that. It’s hormones. It’s nature’s way of saying you are ripe and raring to go for procreation. It’s great stuff. But I don’t equate pregnant bellies to sexifuntimes.
The “I am a modern-day Freya, worship the feats of my loins while I pose in lingerie!” sorts of pictures are gross.