Facebooky Christmas

I have made it my duty to entertain my friends and family with silly Facebook statuses. Indeed, I am a Facebook addict. (I swear I can turn it off any time I like, really.)

I just thought I’d share all my FB statuses over the month of December. It’s interesting looking back over the highs and lows as the weeks pass.

And clearly I need employment. (Anyone needing a writer, guest poster, something magical done in photoshop, please email me.)

December 1:
“Wearing my new kickass boots and off to YUM CHAAAAAAAA!”

“Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Just got back from an awesome lunch… now I need to have a nanna nap and digest… OMG, so much food.”

“LOL… five hour nanna nap/food coma. Whoopsies!”

December 2:

“Ok… am conscious again… must have been some serious MSG in that food yesterday for me to still feel like I’m hung over. Either that or they put something funny in the tea… Hmmm. Either way… MOAR FOOD TODAY!”

“Ok… no more food. Ever again. Ugh.”

“Oh shit. Someone hit the AWAKE button.”

December 3:
“Another day, another rejection. Yawn.”

“Awwwwwww, Melinda !!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…. You are incredibly sweet and kind and thoughtful! Your “mock” bellabox and OMGALLTHEPRETTYNAILPOLISHAHHH! was a lovely surprise.”

“Want a go in the spa but will probably fall asleep in there. Not good for the not drowning part of spa bathing. Mmph.”

“Today’s photo will be posted tomorrow. Took it earlier but tummy and back currently too sore to be able to sit at my desk in order to post… /sigh”

December 4:
“Have just finished reading “The First Confessor – The Legend of Magda Searus” by Terry Goodkind. I am… underwhelmed. /sad face/ Why Terry?! WHY?!”

December 5:
“I really need to do my christmas shopping.”

“In the absence of positivity, the only other option is a packet of gingernut biscuits and a cup of tea. And nary a fuck shall be given for the rest of the day.”

“Ok… it’s official – I need a nail polish rack. A big one. Also; China Glaze Holiday Joy collection for teh win! Merry Berry (dark red creme), Bluebells Ring (blue and silver metallic), Pizzaz (OMGGLITTAH!) and Cranberry Shimmer (err, a shimmery cranberry colour… aptly named). I want some more of the collection.”

December 6:

“Ok, *very* awake after freaky dreams all night of Stuart (the comic shop guy) from Big Bang Theory. Ack. ACK!”

“Oh, so the weight gain is not nearly as bad as I thought it was. Back to where I was about three weeks ago. That’s ok with me. Maintain. Maintain. (Sanity, weight, it’s all the same.)”

“Just so y’all know where I am in case some moron decides to assault or kill me and hid my remains under a bush somewhere… I’m taking the dog for a walk. (Trust me, she won’t help.)”

“No, I would not recommend dropping a mattress base on your foot, just FYI.”

“Random thought whilst looking at ad for Sexyland on Facebook: “And that goes WHERE, exactly?””

December 7:

“In googling the book, “The Game” I lost the freakin’ game! (Mind virus, play it with me.)”

“Home finally… geebus… out for lunch, get back, whip up dessert in record time and then out again. I’ve been more of a social butterfly in my unemployedness than ever I was when I was working.”

December 8:
“Chux Magic Eraser bathroom sponge… OMG… IT CLEANS ALL THE THINGS!”

“Hungry.”

December 9:
“COWBOYS TODAY! BANG BANG!”

December 10:
“Pitch Perfect… never have I hated a movie I wanted to like so much. ‘Nuff said.”

“Putting finishing touches on new necklace, then… might make annudda one!”

“Stupid jewellery, so hard to take pictures of!”

December 11:
“I’m awake!”

“Anyone know where I can get a mynah bird trap?”

“And Wyndham Council prove their absolute fucking uselessness again. No idea what Myna birds are then “oh no, it’s illegal for us to do anything about those” and expect me to call some guy out from Endeavour Hills to get rid of them. Indian Myna birds are vermin. They are not the same as the Aussie birds. They are also making a mess of my roof and my backyard. The the stupidest question ever: “Are they on your property?” Um, love…. THEY’RE BIRDS. They’re EVERYWHERE. Looks like I’m calling Dawsons again.”

December 12:
“Yeah, ok. I get it. 12/12/12 12:12:12… wow.”

“Am pooped.”

“Aw MAN! Lathered up with sunscreen an inch thick, stood in shade and STILL burned. I hate my skin. What kind of Aussie am I?!”

“Horizontal stripes don’t work for the Ren. Erica, you can have this dress.”

December 13:
“Guess I am having a computer day today. FUN!”

“Ok, I am of the considered opinion that the maxidress I am wearing right now is the ugliest maxidress in the HISTORY OF EVER. Thanks KMart!”

“Urban Decay’s “Vice” eyeshadow palette for Christmas, please! KTHNXBI!”

December 14:
“2am.. suppose I should stop trying (and failing) to get this application written.”

“The Hobbit opens tomorrow/today in America. *pout*”

“Application done and sent. My umpteeth “response to the Key Selection Criteria”…. such a waste of time.”

“GAH! Any of my photographer friends know Bridge well enough to help me with a batch conversion question?”

December 15:
“Ok… someone tell me again why America’s current gun laws are so cool. I forget. *sigh*”

“And 22 kids in China stabbed as they go to school… FML. Crazy people of the world, stop hurting the kidletts, FFS!”

“Revlon ColorStay Overtime™ Lipcolor FOR. THE. WIN. This stuff doesn’t come off, y’all. Drinking and eating all night last night and it was still on. Put on at 3pm. Had to scrub it off with makeup remover at 11.30pm. The lip-gloss component is gross and sticky but the stain is awesomesauce.”

December 16:
“FUCKING. BIRDS.”

“Ack! Need to get mum’s Christmas pressy sorted out, stat! (Mum, don’t look at this!)”

“Kochlöffel. German is not a pretty language but it’s a bloody funny one sometimes.”

December 17:
“FYI – the owls do not work.”

“Randomly hooting owl seems to be moderately more effective than dead-eyes silent owl. *May* annoy the neighbours, though.”

“Nice Recruitment Agent is nice.”

“Does anyone else find the Shuji Sushi radio ad as funny as I do? “Ahhhh shitake!””

December 18:
“People better keep away from me today. I am in a rather blood-thirsty state of mind. Those birds are going down.”

“PEANUT BUTTER ESSPLOSION!!! ARRRGGGHHH! Why does my husband manage to find all the crappy jars of peanut butter? WHY?!”

“Maxine ! Whatever colour red this is that you used to make these beads, MOAR PLEASE! So pretty! Thank you for my new pretties. :)”

“I think I’m gonna try to make a gingerbread house either on Thursday or Friday. I want at least SOME Christmas cheer in this white-walled jail of mine.”

December 19:
“I am a beading MACHINE!! I am also trying to distract myself from walking to the shops to find a sweet to eat. (Though I do sorta need to go find food otherwise it’s scrambled eggs for dinner.)”

“Ooohhh… rainy smell. *sniffsniff*
Ahh.”

“That moment you discover another lampwork artist and want to buy EVERYTHING.”

December 20:
“So … much… gingerbread… Baking at mums. Got my fill.”

“Eesh… forgot about weighing in tonight. Oops. I’ll do an unofficial one later.”

December 21:
“21st of December. Still alive. Not king yet.”

“21st December. 12:17pm. Not dead yet. Still not king.”

“Heaven is getting not one but two new-but-apparently-factory-seconds pairs of favourite jeans that I had to get rid of four sizes ago. Never have I loved how my arse looks as it does right now. If you ever see any City Chic “Penny Lane” jeans, buy them immediately. Butt-hugging goodness right there.”

“Feel like a Buddha. Too much vegetarian lasagne. And other stuff which may or may not have been vanille kipferl…”

December 22:
“OMG…. four baby (teenage baby) magpies playing in the bottle brush next to my bedroom window. They sound so delightful!”

“Myna bird trap bought. Waiting on delivery (hopefully within the fortnight). Now we’ll show them buggers who’s boss.”

“OFFS. Can people in America PLEASE stop shooting each other?!”

“Tomorrow I am making chocolates. So there. TAKE THAT, 39 DEGREE TEMPERATURE! Gawd, goodnight.”

December 23:
“Good morning my little magpies. :) What a nice sound to wake up to.”

“Ok, so the Cadbury chocolate melts are not the chocolate to make molded chocolated with. Poop.”

“After the dismal failure of the chocolates… now not so sure about the bright idea for the necklace I want to make. :( (On the upside, home-made peanutbutter cups are fucking NOMMY whether they succeed or not. Thank you for that idea, America.)”

December 24:
“Rise of the Guardians. Pretty frackin’ cool. Sandy is *so* cute, the elves are *so* cute, the yetis (yes, yetis) are *so* cute, and Bunny… Bunny is sexy because he is Hugh Jackman… and *so* cute!”

“Tummy hurts. *poking it* I think I broke something in there. :(”

December 25:
“I am too old to be jumping on trampolines… OMFG.”

________________

So yes. Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, or whatever celebration/holiday thingy you apply to this date if anything at all.

To all you Bah Humbuggers, can’t have you feeling like you’re missing out so BAH HUMBUG to you too.

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One Comment

  1. This post had me in stitches))) following now

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