Note: I am fairly certain this Layla is not my WW friend Layla. Because my friend Layla has way more class.
This came through as a comment I received overnight. Whilst the person posting is a long-loved gutless troll of my blog, it’s a valid question which brings up an interesting topic.
“Okay, so after all your tooting about weight loss, I just want to know one thing. Is Steve still morbidly obese?” — Layla
Yep. He is. I try not to give him stress about it as best as I can but yes, it’s a worry.
Just because I am married to an obese person does not mean that I have the right to give him grief over being fat. We all know how well teasing, bullying and constant nagging works on fat folk. Pushing someone into doing something they don’t really want to do is completely counterproductive. If they don’t really have the desire to do something then heels will dig in and the entire process will be made that much harder. It can actually make the problem worse.
Steve (aka, the manbeast) not at a point where he feels his weight is holding him back and that’s entirely his prerogative, Layla. Sure, it may annoy him sometimes, it may even upset him occasionally but neither of these things can be enough to trigger that light bulb moment that’s needed to inspire a lifestyle change. I needed to be mentally ready to lose weight – I had to be at that point where I realised it was affecting my life in extremely negative ways well beyond the health ramifications, though they were bad enough on their own.
Steve is yet to reach that point. He knows he has to do something but unlike me there is no pressing urgency. He may never get to that point. Hell, he may very well up and have a heart attack next week…
Oooh, thanks for the reminder, I must check the TPD insurance policy on his super.
The fact of the matter is you cannot MAKE anyone do anything they don’t want to do. The fact that I am married to the man does not give me any special powers and I will not lower myself to give him ultimatums over his weight. I will occasionally point out that a portion size is too much or that he needs to eat more vegetables and that he should come with me to the gym but that’s as far as it goes. He knows I love him, his weight does not affect my feelings for him. I want what’s best for him but this is not something I have any level of control over.
Sure, it disappoints me a lot that he decided that this was MY journey and not OUR journey. It saddens me that I don’t have that sort of support from him but I understand it nonetheless.
I won’t push because all pushing did for me was get me up to 152kg.
He was there when I was ready, I’ll be there when he is ready and even better, I will possess the knowledge and understanding of weight loss to be able to help him properly.
Until then I’ll just hope that my ever-increasing sexy-hotness inspires him to change his ways.
Finally, boots that fit!
I seriously respect your mindset here. I discovered your blog via WW as I too am travelling down the re-gaining my health path. I’m exactly the same, the more someone pushes, the less likely I am to do what they want and the more likely I am to push back!
I have to put it out there though…. Layla’s question/comment is just plain rude. The use of the word “tooting” implies that you are all talk and no walk, along with the fact that she asks about his weight as if it has any bearing on your success! Now whether this was her intention or not I cannot comment, but people seriously need to think before they type. Your reasonable and honest response is a credit to you, I don’t think I would have been so calm.
Hi Emily and thanks for your comment. Layla is a long-time troll who seems to think he/she/it has something over me – as all trolls do. My husband is fat, I am still fat (though significantly less so), I don’t have kids but I have a house-full of pets. According to Layla, I am compensating for my lack of children with my animals and I am the source of all earthly suffering because I am fat. The comments tend to take on a pattern. LOL
Normally I poke fun at such folks or just delete the comment but this time around it prompted something for me to think about which worked out in my favour and helpfully assuaged Layla’s fascination with my weight and that of those around me.
Well done on your own journey thus far, Emily. Ignore the Laylas of the world. They’re unhelpful, sad little people who are probably just as dissatisfied with their lives as we have been. The difference is that we can lose weight and look and feel better and become better people from our experiences. You can’t change an ugly heart like Layla’s.